lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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