guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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