if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
