She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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