So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
