Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
