if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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