Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You ate ashes out of my bong
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
