Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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