its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
