Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
