I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
