So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
