im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
4 words: hood of his car
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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