Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize