Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
