he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
