So drunk its hurt
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
