the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize