I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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