dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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