i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
