i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
