So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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