from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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