"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
