end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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