9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
