u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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