His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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