Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
