I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love accidental penises.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
