Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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