We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
