dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
