Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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