This is not my ceiling
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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