Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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