Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
