I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
