these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
