After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
