If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
