So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
