So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
