just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
