I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
