she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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