plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
