Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And then my night got REAL pukey
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
