Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
