Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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