omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
