soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When are your genitals available?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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