So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
