there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
