Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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