i just wanna soil my oats bro
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Boobs speak an international language.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
