Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
