Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
