Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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