i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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