i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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