you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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