I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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