My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
