a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
