tonight lets celebrate not being married
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
