In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
