just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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