Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
