I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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