brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy sore nipples Batman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
