Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
