I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
