I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize