:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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