yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
