my mouth tastes like poor choices
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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