He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
