it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
