I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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