I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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