how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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