1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
