Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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