i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize