i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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