either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
