she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
