I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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