I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
