I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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