The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
