whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know, be my cock's hype man.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize