My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
