I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
