im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
