There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
