Jerry, you need to find god
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
