Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
