I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize