that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
