ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
