I think i peed on brittanys purse
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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