I want to have your abortion
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He has the fingertips of a God
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
